Congo (1995). Ha!

For a very long, rotten, and delusional time, I thought this movie was a companion piece to 12 Monkeys (1995). It isn’t. I was confused by the reality of primates featuring in both flicks, and that 1995 was another parallel between them. The ‘similarities’ end there.

Congo (1995) is bonkers because it’s shite, wholly serious, and has a cast of actors you’d never imagine sharing a scene together. This is another one of those movies you wish had a lengthy ‘making of’, tea breaks (or whatever) consisting of grainy zoom shots of the mortified actors hiding away behind the crew and props department, slumped on a stool beside a half-tanned 35cl of Scotch, head in hands, and muttering “What the fuck have I done?” over and over.

One would, if pressed, describe this as an action-adventure film, but we all know it’s just … tosh.

Worth a watch.

Presumed Innocent (1990).

Ford’s haircut, what might feasibly be deemed a Caesar, is the feature attraction but he pulls it off. 

You can tell from two mins into this brutal courtroom gig that it was shot by Gordon Willis, his unmistakable visuals a pallet of shadows and claustrophobia; when cinematography had character.

No faffing on your phone during the Caesar Attraction for you must pay attention. And it’s got that genuinely shocking ending that defines the era of the glossy star-powered thriller. 

Wildly entertaining, impeccably acted, Raul Julia rocks up and somehow becomes the most interesting character. What an inscrutable face, what a voice. 

The last great Alan J. Pakula movie.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022).

It’s middlingly entertaining and daft, and mostly annoying. 

His wee recruits were nauseating. We are all sick of flicks overstuffed with talentless bairns possessing the collective acting chops of the cast of the Tweenies on a cocaine binge. 

Miles Teller is in this and I cannot stand him. Best thing that ever happened to the needy wank is being the victim of drumstick bullying by the grizzled (also annoying) lad from Spider-Man (2002).

The incessant references to Maverick’s age (old man, pops) by smug WASPS vexed me. I was waiting for the whole pack of them to die. 

I was bored. Cruise was wasting his time. It overdoes the nostalgia factor so much there is no point to the film. 

I turned it off an hour in and watched Top Gun (1986) instead.

Have a nice day.

The Other Guys (2010).

It’s risky with some of its jokes but they are actually funny (most comedies are joke-free affairs) and stem from the growing characterisation and chemistry of the two leads, and the bizarre credibility of the bit-part players, some of whom appear to have wandered off from the set of Lethal Weapon (1987). 

Michael Keaton, eh. He can do no wrong in his Indian summer (I don’t wish to hear of this Batgirl … thing). 

For a comedy/satire, it’s well choreographed in its action scenes, even more so than the majority of buddy cop movies out there.

And the late Ray Stevenson pulls off an Aussie accent. X. 

Enemy of the State (1998).

Kim Newman in a review decades ago drew parallels between Harry Caul from The Conversation (1974) and this thriller’s deuteragonist (Brill), and the observation inadvertently lifts Enemy of the State (1998) above the generic. That and it’s ahead-of-its-time commentary on domestic surveillance. 

Another Gene Hackman powerhouse. And the normally irritating and minimally talented Will Smith is at least serviceable in this, a star vehicle from his pomp years. 

It’s got style and is never dull. And it’s funny. 

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994).

This movie is the definition of barking mad. It shouldn’t exist as it’s so nonsensical and daft but somehow it is here with us, a remnant from a bygone era. It’s hilarious in moments and would not be made today. There would be picket lines outside Cineworld.

Nothing else to add.

Ripley (2024). Excellent.

The cinematic travails of Tom Ripley have given us the quite barking The American Friend (1977), The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999), and the little-seen Ripley’s Game (2002) – a multifarious holy trilogy of sorts linked by the amoral antihero. I have not seen Purple Noon (1960), nor the Barry Pepper number. And what the fuck happened to that actor? He was on the cusp but now operating in the AWOL stakes.

And this TV first, it’s exceptional, a throwback continental thriller with vistas galore. Ripley epitomises the self-effacing weasel; you need to watch out for these creeps for they lurk in the shadows.

It’s a 5/5 from me and I couldn’t find a flaw in it.

And Patricia Highsmith used to smuggle snails through airport customs ….

Lady Macbeth (2016).

I do hope to never view this film again. This is not because it is in any way rubbish; the images are striking, the story clenching you from the off. It’s brilliant but oh so brutal, an exercise in putting the viewer through the Victorian wringer. And the protagonist manages to be both monstrous and worthy of your sympathy at the same time, a bona fide Lady Macbeth, I suppose. She reminded me of a far less avuncular, much more sinister approximation of Clint Eastwood’s quote in Gran Torino (2008) when he declares, “Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have fucked with? That’s me.”

Just don’t bother with the popcorn for this one.

Glass (2019).

A surface-level bog-standard thriller with a bit more to it, recalling the gnarly Unbreakable (2000), sans that peculiar score fished from a ghetto’s gutter. It was the James Newton Howard one; he sounded like DJ Shadow with an orchestra back then.

An apparently ‘normal’ superhero (Big Brucie Bonus) doing the legwork and the nitty-gritty, with barely any quips and facepalm-inducing one liners. 

And this was pure rubbish but not … that bad. And it’s thoughtful in a way, institutions and their ingrained sordid ways given a bit of the Cuckoo’s Nest treatment.

Bruce is the best as always, and Bruce has been missed. Mace Windu is also here with us, a lad incapable of bad acting. Sarah Paulson runs the ward/show, though, an outwardly reasonable yet diabolically cruel gaslighting specialist. She excels at the Nurse Ratched role.

We also have a preposterous chat between a security guard and a low-level charge nurse (or whatever). It’s so accurate in depicting that moment when a gremlin is spraffing a life lesson to you, stuff you already know, but you are compelled to nod and pretend to be absorbing new information as they are in a position of authority. It’s every job I’ve ever had and you must endure the torture. 

I’d recommend this film. The reviews out there are a bit scathing. Don’t believe them. 

It’s not crap and I’m always correct. 

The Outfit (2022).

So unusual for a crime thriller, we have a protagonist as nonthreatening as it comes operating on the sidelines of the mob. Nonthreatening until you really see how clever and kind of sinister he is, he reminded me of Tom Hardy in The Drop (2014).

Exquisitely crafted, intense, this is a good old-fashioned crime drama which goes beyond the situation piece it could have been as it never leaves the one location for its duration. A movie with no faffing around. And there are some brutal scenes.

A rare gem.